oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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