when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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