Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
