ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
