Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
