but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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