I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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