I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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