Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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