my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize