I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
