just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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