He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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