Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
