I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
