What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
