You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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