There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
