I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize