so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
