All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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