I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
