Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
