The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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