TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
