Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
