He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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