so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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