I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
