Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
