if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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