yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize