my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
