Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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