These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
