I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
