Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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