Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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