but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
