I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
