So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
