Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
