If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
