Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Only a mothe r could love this liver
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
