tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize