It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
