Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
