dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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