Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
