well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
