I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
