I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
