I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
