Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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