You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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