so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize