so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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