Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You were trust falling into bushes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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