I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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