I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
