the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You made out with two different species that night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
