I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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