I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
