is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
