i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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