Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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