I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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