Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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